Memo

Dear Clothing Designers,

I am pissed off. Listen, not all of us are 7 feet tall. Therefore, can you please create jeans in lengths that someone like me, at 5'3" with an inseam roughly the length of a paper clip, can wear? I'm tired of being forced, having no other options, to buy jeans in what you call "regular" length which in fact extend almost 6 INCHES BELOW MY FOOT, and which bunch up unattractively even if I'm wearing heels. I'm tired of asking my mom to hem my pants. I'm...well, I'm just tired.

I'm specifically talking to you, Abercrombie. Although it annoys me that I have succumbed to your brand-name-mongering, I have consistently bought no other jeans than yours for the last three years. Now, although you still make the style I like, YOU APPARENTLY DON'T MAKE THEM IN A SHORT LENGTH ANYMORE. I went into your store the other day in the Danbury Mall and was enraged to note that you stocked NO JEANS IN THE AFOREMENTIONED SHORT LENGTH, unless they were size 0. At first I thought my brain had perhaps been addled by the clouds of cologne permeating the air within your store. I said, they can't POSSIBLY not make jeans in "Short" anymore, right? There are other Abercrombie customers out there like me, who are under 6' and, indeed, under 5'5". But I was sorely mistaken. Does this make sense? No. No it doesn't. It's bad enough that my favorite pair of jeans, which I bought from you, are now getting ratty to the point where I really can't wear them anymore, without you making things 100 times worse by now failing to carry the short length in that same style. I have resorted to eBay to try and find them, to no avail. Thanks for nothing, jerks.

Furthermore, this post is directed at you, Express. I have been a devoted customer of yours for YEARS, despite the fact that one time an employee at your store committed credit card fraud using my Express card and bought almost $200 worth of merchandise on it. And while I have since cancelled the card, I still shop at your store even though the clothing and accessory styles you now sell are geared more toward teenagers than adults. But I digress. In my effort to find jeans the other day, I attempted to try on some of yours, in what were purported to be your "short" length. Yeah. Those f-ing things were so long on me that even with 4-inch heels on, I tripped over them walking out of the dressing room to look at them in the 3-way mirror. Frustrated beyond all reason, and on the verge of a shooting spree, I left the mall almost in tears, cursing whatever side of the family gave me short legs, and cursing the fashion industry at large for only designing jeans in lengths suitable for a freaking giraffe.

In conclusion, on behalf of short women everywhere, please bring back jeans suitable for the vertically-challenged. Please don't make us have to resort to buying custom-designed jeans that cost $400. None of us have the money, or the time for that. I'm begging you.

Cordially,
Grace