List Day - Bumper Stickers that Annoy Me

Hi all! Time again for List Day. Today's list is in honor of my car's rear bumper, which was smashed to holy hell last night by an unknown jerky assailant who didn't bother to leave a note. Probably just as well because I'm sure he or she didn't have insurance anyway, but I am still pissed. Anyhoo, the list for today is:

Bumper Stickers that Annoy Me!

1. Stickers announcing the car owner/driver's support for a past presidential campaign. Fool, it is seriously time for you to scrape that "Hoover/Curtis '28" sticker off your bumper. Dude has exhausted his maximum allotted terms and been out of office for 394782139 years already. Let's move on.

2. "It's a Jeep thing...you wouldn't understand" stickers. These are stupid. No, I don't understand, because I don't drive a Jeep. I hate that kind of elitist bumper sticker propaganda. They should make them for everyone's car. I should have one on MY back window that says, "It's a Mitsubishi 4-cylinder sedan thing...you wouldn't understand."

3. "If you can read this..." bumper stickers. All these do is force me to inch my car even closer to the car with the sticker, because I want to know what it says. Bumper stickers that encourage tailgating are probably a bad idea.

4. OBX stickers and the like. It took me like half my life to figure out that "OBX" stands for "Outer Banks, NC". But what do all the other random ones stand for? I can't deal with the frustration of trying to figure out the other jumbles of letters that apparently signify an undisclosed geographic locale. I am driving along like, "What the hell does 'ZXK' stand for?!"

5. Giant soccer ball stickers. Do you really want to advertise to the whole entire driving population that you're a soccer mom? Come on, we already figured it out by the fact that your SUV/minivan is the size of the state of Nevada, and there is nary a horse trailer, large motorboat, or tow hitch in sight. Doy.

In other news, after church on Easter Sunday, in the parking lot we saw a car that had giant fake eyelashes on its headlights. I thought it was the cutest thing. I asked the car owner where they got them and they told me about Carlashes.com. I would buy them for my car, but my car is a boy.